This is me.

Many things can be done in five minutes including enjoyable events such as confessing your love, opening a gift, or eating a delicious meal, as well as miserable events like death, a violent crime, or a severe anxiety attack... one thing that cannot be done in under five minutes is a ten page essay, a word which here means "a student's worst nightmare", and while I can assure you, dear viewers, that the boy would achieve one of these feats within five minutes, I am sorry to say it was not the essay, but rather the anxiety attack.

*sigh* Let's see who is disappointing me this time.